Homework in Progress

I didn’t tell you that I started studying Hebrew.
Yes I know, this is an important piece of information but I am so way behind in all my writing and my entire life actually so you’ll have to bear with me.

I started studying “Ulpan” (like “Svenska för invandrare” in Hebrew) a couple of months ago.

The class has 23 people and what kind of people do you think study Hebrew?

I know what preconceived notions (sv. förutfattade meningar) I had:

• There would no one like me, who is in Israel because of a loved one.

• There would be A LOT of Jewish Americans doing “Aliyah” (immigrating to Israel)

• There would be A LOT of “Jewish” Russians doing “Aliyah” (but in most of their cases it is more about a better work opportunity than for a religious reason)

• All of them would be about 25 years old.

I was completely wrong!

My class of 23 has:

• 5 anti-social Catholic French people –
  only one of them can smile, the others will look panic-stricken when greeted or act as if it is thin air, and not my person, saying hello to them.
  All of them volunteer for Catholic organisations working mostly with handicapped or mentally disabled children. I really hope they talk and smile to the kids.

• 1 Belgian 65-75 year old man –
  very soft spoken and sweet Christian: “I embrace all religions, God is God. In the end we will all be judged for what good we did in life, not which Bible, Koran or Scripture we read.” This is what he whispered to me during class.
  He is not very good at learning Hebrew since he is so friendly that he engages anyone who sits next to him in a conversation. These talks are mostly about flowers or about the latest church, mosque, temple or synagogue he has visited. Since he is such an “all-embracing religious” guy he visits as many different “holy houses” as he can.
  He also volunteers with handicapped children and as a gardener.

• 3 German Catholics –
  one amazingly daft and the other two very bright. Also working with volunteering or studying.

• 4 Greek Orthodox –
  2 nuns all dressed in black and giggling most of the time.
  One of the nuns has a big black leather brand name bag and drives a small black sports car. She is at all times on the cell phone, sometimes even leaving the class room for an “important phone call”.
  The other nun is small and plump with apple cheeks. She is very good at Hebrew but is so shy that she whispers when getting a question whilst her cheeks turn bright red.
  Another is a very young priest who looks as if he has just escaped from prison. Black woollen hat worn at all times, long black ZZ-Top beard and black outfit that looks just like a nightdress. He has an I-Pod in his right pocket which he listens to when class is “too slow” or uninteresting for him. What he listens to? Yes I asked him. Well - German heavy metal – of course…
  The fourth Orthodox, is a beautiful mysterious woman who works at the patriarch (the orthodox church). Apparently she was a very famous actress who has escaped the world of fame and paparazzi for a much more modest kind of life…

• 5 Arabs –
  very talkative and friendly, one construction engineer from Saudi Arabia and the rest from East Jerusalem .
  Hmm…no... even though they are Israeli citizens and were born and raised in Jerusalem, they do not learn Hebrew in school. But, to be noted, neither do the Jewish in Israel learn Arabic in school (I mean it is not compulsory).
  Ehm, didn’t Dr Phil or some psychologist say something about “Communication is the key to having a good relationship” ?
  But anyway, their English is perfect. They are my favourite people in class, always friendly, joking and curious.

• 1 Finnish tall pale guy –
  studying at the bible school of the Swedish sect “Word of life” (sv. Livets Ord), you know the people who talk in tongues, consider homosexuals and mentally less able people to be connected to the devil in some way or other…I rest my case.
  One would have thought that a person who can learn the language of Jibberish to speak to God would be able to learn Hebrew (the language of the first Bible) pretty well. But I am sad to say, he sucks.

And then there’s a scattering of people from all over the world: 1 Philippine older annoying woman, 1 very shy Austrian guy who wears shoes made from pony skin?!, an Italian guy with an amazing singing voice but also very Christian and religious, a Japanese girl who is here because her Japanese husband is doing his doctorate here and a Korean girl who doesn’t say anything. That’s about it.