All this time my brain felt as if it was recoiling and my spine was twisting. It is an odd feeling that of a recoiling brain, its as if my brain is trying to shrink and escape from the reality which it can see through the eyes.
At lunch today, which I for the first time in two months had with three colleagues I managed to chit chat and I think my mouth tried stretching into something that was supposed to mimic a smile. But after about twenty minutes of friendliness I started to feel nauseated by this fraternising. And when my colleagues started to warm up and say that I wasn’t myself I really had to sit on my hands to stop myself from throwing my plate in the air or screaming.
I hate my job.
I have never felt this way before, I recognise the feeling of total despair and wishing that I rather was dead than being in a place but that feeling has never been apart of my job. At work I’ve always managed to hide behind a nice happy mask. People thought I was quirky and strange but I did a hell of a job. I was too honest and in the bosses faces but I tried to make peoples lives better. And they laughed with me.
I was an odd ball who could one day give a little show with fluffy hand puppets or sneak in one night and fill the aquarium with colourful fish to keep the lonely grey fish company and I’ve been known to make everybody a smoothie of their own choice on a Friday.
I might never have enjoyed working in an office but I always liked my colleagues. And now it is really killing me that I can hardly look at them and am behaving like a bitch towards them.
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4 comments:
What would you do if you didn't have to work?
If I had been privileged enough to be immensely rich and wouldn’t have had to work, I think it would have been easier for me to have been one of those people who try their hand at every artistic course hoping to find one that I am not too bad in.
But if I had been so rich I would have been a completely different person, who knows I could have been rivalling Paris Hilton doing seedy sex videos, and oops no knickers (oh, I do that already…).
No seriously if I had had the money and not needed to work I would have finished my degree in archaeology and been the real Lara Croft. Living in a mansion with cool gadgets, travelling to amazing places, solving puzzles and looking for treasure
And then I would of course have to save the world and adopt a child from every continent, or maybe not, maybe I’d just hug trees instead. Children could grow up to become such evil things.
Good question I have to sleep on it, will give u a better answer in the morning.
If you have a job, you may get fired, and if you don't have one you may not get hired.
But I don't want to scare you from bloging about your job, it's really interesting and entertaining.
If I would be sorted from now and not have to workd more I would get a big old building in a warmer climate and renovate it room by room and start some sort of guesthouse, hostel och inn.
That's the dream.
Oh and I am not worried that they find out at work about my blog. First of all, they already know everything I wrote and secondly if I would get fired then I will see it as a blessing...
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